Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
