You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
