Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
