yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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