is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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