I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
