My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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