3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
