Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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