the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
