McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
