im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
