On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The uberlube is also flammable
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
