I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
