Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
