went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
