How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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