Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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