Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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