His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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