what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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