didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
