My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
