Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize