you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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