I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
