is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
operation harelip BJ is a go
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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