I think im going to throw up on grandma
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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