Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
