I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
This house was built for laser tag.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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