Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She said her name was "party"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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