There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
