dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
