I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
