Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
