If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
