I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
