There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
