no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
