Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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