wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Randomize
