let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
