The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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