Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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