I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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