I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
