The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
