The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think my nap took me to another dimension
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
