You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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