i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
