I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
