dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
