In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
