He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
