It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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