So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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