Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize