I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
