I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
