so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
