you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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