having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
