At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
