I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
