Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
