Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
why is half of my head shaved?
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