This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
