I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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